Both parties agree that Education Reform is critical; that improving America’s schooling system is fundamental to ensuring opportunity. And, both parties agree that experience is a core requirement of candidacy. So, lets review the credentials of all four candidates, starting with a web video gem of John “Wayne” McCain at his finest.

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“Palin attended Wasilla High in Alaska, where she was the head of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes chapter, and the PG / Captain of the school’s basketball team. She spent her first college semester at Hawaii Pacific, transferring in 1983 to North Idaho and then to the University of Idaho. She attended Matanuska-Susitna College in Alaska for one term, returning to the U of Idaho to graduate with a BS degree in communications-journalism in 1987.”

vs.

“A graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School, where he served as president of the Harvard Law Review, Obama worked as a community organizer and practiced as a civil rights attorney.”

“It is a sobering moment for Obama, 28, who in February became the first black to be elected president in the 102-year history of the prestigious student-run law journal. The post, considered the highest honor a student can attain at Harvard Law School…”

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“Biden was born in Scranton, Pennsylvania, the son of Joseph Robinette Biden, Sr. (1915–2002) and Catherine Eugenia ‘Jean’ Finnegan. In 1965, Biden graduated from the University of Delaware with a double major in history and political science. He went on to receive his J.D. from Syracuse University College of Law in 1968, and was admitted to the Delaware Bar in 1969.”

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Having myself just consumed the totality of this information for the first time, viscerally; it feels as though a crazed hunter with a baseball bat has just hit me in the skull, like ten times. Every second of election coverage that I consume for the next 60 days will be nothing short of mental torture. Surely it is not Wayne McCain’s intention to torture the nation’s psyche for the next 60 days. Based on society’s access to information in 2008, electing McCain-Palin on Education Reform, or anything with any degree of association to Education (or Law, et. all), amounts to a degree of complicit gross negligence that must be historically unprecedented. If you were the leader of any other country in galaxy, which two people would you respect more intellectually? Geo-warfare must be infinitely complex; a coherent thought process, and a capacity for understanding more than just how to press the button, must be a prerequisite for the “Commander” in Chief title somewhere in the constitution.

In a public confessional witnessed by an astounding 38.9 million people, the Manchurian Candidate levered his wholesome conservative Christian values once again, and asked for a life’s worth of forgiveness. Yesterday’s divorce from the Republican party, and subsequent marriage to Palin, marked the 2nd time in Mrs. Doubtfire’s adult life that he has abandoned an entire family in search of greener pastures, embodied by the everpresent in a strange cultish way, Mrs. Buffalo Chip. He is so drunk from Anheuser-Busch money that “G-d” should arrest him for disturbing his peace.

Is there a possibility that the Republican party has conspired to manipulate the polls, and were the vote actually held today, Obama would win by an overwhelming landslide? The McCain Campaign is tantamount to a national scandal the epic proportions of which make Enron seem like a children’s bed time story.

Remember, the Internet is a global medium. The rest of world must be laughing in hysterics as this senile old luddite makes a traveshamockery of our entire culture. Surely, the words integrity and hero, must have a semblance of meaning in modern America.

I will pledge to never use another gallon of gas in my life; whether consumed via plane, train or automobile, AND agree to a 5% tax increase in 2009, if Mrs. Buffalo Chip ends his tour de force today. In fact, I will order a “mangina”, as one of my old bosses so lovingly referred to the Segway, and use that as my primary means of transportation. When Dean Kaman suggested that we rearchitect the cityscape to accomodate his new invention, everyone laughed; that was in the late 1990’s or a decade ago. Ergo I cant imagine the reaction of “T. Boone Pickens”, the guily “oil man” who proclaimed “but the technology is not ready yet” ever so reassuringly and who seems to be running a weirdly manipulative TV campaign designed to get himself elected to the Presidency! Surely George W. can fabricate something that would allow him to declare a national state of emergency and throw in the white towel on behalf of the hunters.

My friends, “Mr. I Hate War” is the equivalent of a kamikaze nuclear missle aimed squarely at every intelligent & capable citizen of the United States, most chiefly our troops. If we as a Nation cant easily diagnose McCain as clinically insane precisely due to his tragic 5 year POW torture, then we are indeed in trouble as the greatest Superpower of the 21st century. The only rationale explanation for his schizophreniac behavior since his return from captivity to US soil is that his mind is endlessly trapped in a bizarre war-invoked flashback, and he will forever employ any shred of a tactic that flickers from within his short-wired circuits to stay alive. The election of our Presidential Administration should not require the tactics and strategy of real war.

Everyday that we allow the campaign to continue, our ever devalued CASH is raised and spent at alarming rates by both parties; > $100 MM since July. Do we need Adam Smith or John Maynard Keynes to explain the efficiency of flushing our hard earned currency down the toilet, rather than investing it alongside Vinod Khosla so that we can push for an end to oil dependancy in 5 years, rather than 10? Think about how many new, weather protected homes could be built in New Orleans with $100 MM.

Enough, I need a shower, Gattica style.

The Daily Show vs. Republican Hypocrisy.

via Noah.

This is the same bunch of hunters that fabricated critical evidence which was used to gain congressional approval for invading Iraq. But for the lies, McCain would have no reason to opine on any “surge”.