Zab Pens Fantastic Email Complaints.

“Hey Mike,

I’ve got an issue that I would like to raise to you. Today I was in the gym at 4ish and there were these two boys probably 13 - 14 years old in the gym as well. Now, I have had problems with these exact same kids before. About a month ago they were in the gym forcing the treadmill belts to move while the treadmills were turned off and otherwise just playing around like it was Knotts Berry Farms. I told them sternly to cut it out, that they would break the equipment. They wanted no part of what I had to say, and continued to run amok. I said look, if you guys want to work out, great, but don’t come in here and break the equipment that I want to use. They still didn’t listen, so I called for security to come up, and he removed the kids.

So today they are back, and just sitting on the benches by the dumbbells just gossiping like little schools girls. I walk up to them and say, hey guys, I didn’t mean to be a jerk last time, but why don’t you guys actually work out? I’m happy to show you how to use everything…do you guys know what you are doing? Yes, they knew what they were doing and they didn’t need any help. So I went on with my workout and as soon as I turn around, they are using the heavy curling bars to hit each other like they were sword fighting on the Battlestar Galactica. I just shook my head at them from across the room and they kind of stopped. About ten min later they were back to hopping around on the treadmills, riding the waves like two Midwestern boys seeing the ocean for the first time…not a care in the world. At this point I get fed up and radio down for security to come, and the security guard (coincidentally the exact same guard who booted these two kids last time) came up and removed them from the gym. I tried to reason with the kids when the guard was up there, but they are juvenile and completely without reason. Mind you, there were other kids in the gym at the same time, but they were either watching TV in the little room or working out properly. So it’s not as though I have it out for kids…just these two specifically. As my grandmother would say, “They are rubbish!”

So, I do not know who the aforementioned “young felons” are, but I guarantee the security guard does. I am calling for a lifetime ban from the Turnberry Village Gym for these two shmegegies and am willing to take this in front of the board if need be. Mike, simply put, this type of unchecked aggression will not stand!

Sincerely,

David Marcus”

aka: Zab Judah, the People’s Champ.